NO. F***ING. WAY!

Whoa. That's all there is to say about the crazy isht that just came out about two of the most famous rappers ever to live and die. Or did they?...

The truth has finally been revealed, as it seems that both Biggie and Pac decided to put aside their differences, fake their deaths, and re-imagine themselves as masked metal gods in the well known band Slipknot.

And we all would have remained unaware of their secret lives, if not for the fantastic work of investigative journalist Harry McManatee. He managed to "slip" into the bands green room disguised as another dude in a mask, and plant a camera where his suspicions about the dead rappers was sure to be proven correct.

As you can see from the candid nature of the shot, the band was completely unaware that there was a hidden camera on the scene and when two of their members unmasked, shocks were had. Since this now world famous picture began circulating the interworld, both ex-rappers now rockers have come out with their secret. I managed to get an email statement from both of them (there's cursing so hide ya kids) which is crazy because Ira Lee doesn't even return my emails, but we can suspend disbelief for a bit.

Biggie: Yeah, it was just that the rap thing was gettin' old, you know what I'm sayin'? It's cool and all to write poetry about the inner city struggle, hustlin' and mackin' bad b*tches, but I guess deep down I really wanana just scream about all the 'ho's in high school who wouldn't go to homecoming with a big guy like me. And now when I ain't watchin' Beastars on Netflix with my homeboy Ryan (Tupac makes pac-corn and sometimes he hangs at the spot also), I'm writing poetry about unpleasant feelin's and downtuning my guitar to drop G. That's G for gangsta G, fo' real. I still like rap, I mean Slipknot's got a real a$s DJ so it's basically rap, but unless it's got a guy banging on a washing machine while dressed up as a gimp I don't really dig that sh*t no mo'.

Tupac: Who woulda thought that it was gonna be songs like "People = Sh*t" that brought the East and the West back together? A lot of people don't know that I can be an angry dude, I know I hide it well, but the 'Knot really allowed me to express myself. You thought that gun cockin' and poppin' off on my Bone Thugs collab was hard, you gotta see me jerk my clown mask's nose on stage, like angry jerkin' yo know what I'm sayin'? And white people straight up hurt each other to my sh*t at shows! It's called a mash pit, f*ckin' white people you so crazy. Oh sh*t and speakin' of, lemme tell ya'll, the groupies Slipknot is workin' with are CRAZY yo. No more rap shows for this gangsta.

And there you have it. If the picture above isn't enough for you, Harry actually managed to discover the secret and started his investigation because of a "mask malfunction" in the music video for "Hate". Watch carefully below, at 4 minutes and 10 seconds we see a very clear shot of both rappers without their awesome metal faces:

DID YOU SEE THAT? No? Watch it again. What about now? Damn you're not very observant. Keep at it a while.

The big question on everyone's minds is what are Pac and Big gonna do now? There's murmurs of a reality show, a few new solo albums and even a supergroup with Big Pun of Mudvayne.

Things are weird this year for sure, but there's tons of good(?) metal music out, even though Slipknot is rap because they have a DJ.




UPDATE: Biggie and Tupac were pronounced dead of Covid-19 related dying on 4/01/2020.

UPDATE 2: April Fools! I had you there for a bit huh? No? I did, don't lie.